I was recently honoured to be a co-host at the FOMWAUK Single and Marriage Life conference. At the workshop for the singles, the facilitator shared his journey from divorce, realising the importance of working on himself before getting married again and focusing on his relationship with Allah.

His vulnerability in sharing his story really touched everyone in the room - it's not often that we get to hear such honest reflections about marriage, divorce, and the journey back to finding love.

Here are a few gems from the workshop

1. Your relationship with Allah will affect how you show up while searching

Focus on deepening and strengthening your relationship with Allah. It will allow you to approach searching for a spouse not from a place of desperation but from a place of assurance knowing that Al-Wadud is the source of all love.

The facilitator explained how this shift in mindset completely changed his approach to finding a spouse. When you're grounded in your relationship with Allah, you stop seeing marriage as the solution to all your problems. Instead, it becomes about finding someone who will help you grow closer to Allah.

2. Do A Self-Audit

What are your values?

Who are you?

Do you have the kind of qualities you're looking for in a spouse?

The facilitator encouraged us to be brutally honest with ourselves.

If you want someone who prays five times a day, are you consistent with your prayers? If you want someone who's family-oriented, how do you treat your own family? If you want someone who's emotionally intelligent, have you done the work to understand and manage your own emotions?

This part of the workshop really made us think - sometimes we're so focused on what we want in a spouse that we forget to look in the mirror and ask ourselves if we're ready for marriage.

3. Be clear on what you're looking for

• What are your top 3 qualities?
• What are your non-negotiables / dealbreakers?
• What are the things you can't do without

The facilitator emphasised that this isn't about creating an impossible checklist. Rather, it's about understanding what truly matters to you in a marriage.

But perhaps the most memorable aspect was when he shared his experience of giving up on match making apps and making this sincere dua:

"O Allah give me someone who is good for me and someone who you love, who by being together will allow us to increase in our faith."

SubhanAllah he made this dua in Ramadan then he had a dream where his nikkah was being finalised and within a couple of days, his friend called him to suggest a sister. Lo and behold it was the person he saw in his dream.

What struck me about his story wasn't just the miracle of the dream, but how he had reached a point of complete tawakkul (trust) in Allah's plan. He wasn't just saying the words - he had truly surrendered his search to Allah while still taking the practical steps needed.

During your search, you might be using different means but never forget that it is Allah who provides. Whether it's through apps, matrimonial events, family introductions, or friends - these are all just means.

The true matcher of hearts is Allah.

The search for marriage shouldn't distance you from Allah - it should bring you closer to Him. When you approach it with this mindset, even the waiting becomes a form of worship.